I Should Never Come Back to New York

by Jason Bates

i.
Morning view brings little clarity
over the muted stars
of last night

My glasses pinch
at my nose and dig
behind my ears;
my features feel wrong
like they are not even mine
anymore

A cigarette,
foreign and familiar,
smoulders between fingers
as if it belongs there…

as if I’d never left

ii.
Your soul is broken
and lives in your heart
like it wants to tear
its home down
around itself

You hide it
and we mutually agreed,
without words as is our way,
to pretend that our family
is whole

As if I could slip
medications
into raw meats
before you grill them,

low and slow